Day 3 of my 40 Day Transformation

Today was a day of challenge - and of learning to detach from other's opinions and thoughts and stay true to my own beliefs. What a lesson!

I have always been a perfectionist. I know, I know - perfectionism is an illusion - you really are perfect as you are. Believe me - that is one of the things I am working on in this 40 day period, as it continues to be old programming that really does stop me in my tracks sometimes. Today was one of those knock-the-wind-out-of-your-sense-of-self days.

Let me tell you a little about it, and see what you think (or any advice you can give me!).

I was lucky enough to have my book release at the perfect time to be launched at the Amelia Island Book Festival - a terrific event, and very in-the-flow for me. During this weekend, I gave a presentation on "Developing You-power to Transform Your Life in 40 Days." Now, I give presentations all the time - and am not only comfortable speaking in public, I truly love it - I love the energy of working with a group of people. However, this was not only the first time I was giving this presentation, many of my friends were going to be in attendance at this event. Ask any speaker what the toughest crowd is, and they will undoubtedly tell you that it is speaking to an audience with many people that you know.

And there were more new aspects for me. For instance, because I was giving the presentation in a very old saloon (I know it sounds strange, but it was actually a really cool space with a tin ceiling and gorgeous old carved wood), I could not have a full multi-media presentation. This was a bit disconcerting to me, as I love to give visuals to people as I talk - the visual people in the room really need them to assimilate the information. To get around this, I decided to use an easel to write on, in order that I might give some visual accents to the presentation. It was another a new experience, and with any new experience, you tend to not only worry about being able to get it right - but you get those butterflies in your stomach that can make you want to turn and run.

My dad used to always tell me to "get those butterflies to fly in formation," but the morning of the presentation, I just couldn't. I was extremely tired from two days of book signings and a good deal of drama all around me (authors can be very dramatic people, I quickly found out), and I felt like my brain was totally mush. To try to calm myself, I did all my usual grounding things - visualization, meditation, affirmations, and breathing - but it was blocked by my unrelenting sense of nervousness.  

I got to the presentation quite early (customary for me - I like to acclimate myself to the vibration of the room), and while I was still unusually nervous for me, I had a truly kind woman start to talk to me and encourage me, which definitely took the edge off (I will have to do another blog about her!).

Everyone started to come in, and as I greeted each person and passed out my handouts, I started to feel like my old loving-to-speak self. I got going, and all was going well - I have a bit of a silly sense of humor and really love people, so I tend to have a lot of off-the-top-of-my-head comments come out as I notice and relate to the different people in the room. I really started to feel the joy of being with this group of people, and was in the flow with this positive experience. Suddenly, about 20 minutes into my presentation, another author came into the room, and when I looked over at her, my mind was distracted from my task for a critical split second - and I totally blanked.

Now, when I say blanked, I mean out-of-body-cannot-think-where-I-am-or-what-I'm-doing kind of blanked. I literally could not think where I was, and had this moment of sheer terror while I desperately searched my brain for some bookmark to link to in order to get on track. This has never happened to me before, so I could not even think what to do, but thankfully, a woman in the front row all of the sudden spoke up and said "You were talking about success."

Ah. My brain makes the connection and I carry on, finishing the presentation out without any further problems, and getting back in the flow with the joy of doing work I love. 

Better yet, I felt great - because I managed to keep my perfectionism in check - refusing to create a moment where I criticized my performance, and instead, simply saying, "Well, now I know how to handle a totally blank mind, if it ever happens again."  Believe me, this is a major accomplishment for me - previous to working on my perfectionism, I would have obsessed about that little flaw in my presentation, tearing everything to bits and chastising myself for making a mistake.

So, I was feeling very calm and centered about the whole thing - until today.

Today, I was chatting with a man who is not only a local bookstore owner, he is also a major supporter of my book, and was in attendance at my presentation. Out of nowhere, he says that he has been meaning to tell me that I should get speaker training to really "polish" my presentation skills.

Have you ever had something bring you right to your knees? This one did it for me. 

I was so shocked by this comment, and I stumbled around trying to defend my skills, suddenly mentioning that I speak regularly and am always asked back and referred to others. Then, I realize that I am now defending myself, which I get aggravated at - as I really have worked on detaching from others opinions, and I shouldn't be defending myself to anyone.

Once I removed myself from the situation, I realized that what really bothered me was that believing myself to be good at speaking - and even seeing it as part of my personal passion - is integral to who I believe that I am. His suggestion somehow called into question my very essence - and that made me question my own thoughts about myself.

And suddenly, perfectionism reared its ugly head. How quickly an old trigger is reactivated, even when you have worked to reprogram it. My mind flashed through my presentation, attacking any little flaw - and worrying about whether everyone else thought that I did an awful job, but just were afraid to tell me - although the truth was, everyone had hugged me and given me lots of great feedback about my presentation.

So, I was letting one opinion over-ride all the other ones, and even my own opinion of myself.

And I realized how very attached we all are to the opinions of others - even those of us that have done so much spiritual and personal growth work. I even have entire sections in my book about detaching from other's opinions - and believe me, I believe it and practice what I preach - but suddenly my body and mind were going to a place where someone else's perception of who I am became stronger than who I know myself to be.

And so, I took a deep breath, centered myself, and realized that I was not - I could not - allow one person's opinion to derail one of my basic truth's about myself. My foundation beliefs about myself were stronger than that.

So, I guess my question for all you zaadzsters out there is: How do you detach from other's opinions? Have you had experiences like this, where someone's negative opinion attempts to derail you from your basic truths about yourself - or even your sense of self? 

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Namaste -

Tara Meyer-Robson